I JUST WENT OUT FOR DINNER WITH SOME OF MUM’S WORK FRIENDS AND THERE WAS A GIRL MY AGE BUT SHE DIDN’T SPEAK ENGLISH VERY WELL AND SHE KEPT ASKING THINGS LIKE DO YOU LIKE RICE AND WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE VEGETABLE BUT THEN SHE LEANT OVER AND WAS LIKE HOW LONG ARE YOUR PERIODS AND I WAS LIKE UM 3 OR 4 DAYS???? AND SHE GOES NO I MEANT SCHOOL PERIODS AND IT WAS THE WORST MOMENT OF MY LIFE
NEW noise canceling headphones that are so good at blocking out sound that they even prevent you from listening to your own music, forcing you to bask in the whispers of the forgotten gods until you begin to hear your own brain falling apart as it descends into madness
I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs
MY BROTHER TEXTED A RADIO STATION TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT AND THE RADIO STATION ACTUALLY READ IT OUT AND IT WAS “GREAT DAY AT THE BEACH WITH MY GIRL FROM HEYWOOD JABLOMI” AND THEY READ IT ALOUD AND THE ENTIRE RADIO WENT DEAD FOR A FEW SECONDS BECAUSE THEY REALIZED WHAT THEY SAID I’M LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD
If I were in the Hunger Games I would use one of the parachutes and gift containers and put all kinds of poisonous berries in them and then climb trees and send them down to unsuspecting tributes. Oh, you thought you were getting a nice fruit salad? Think again. POISON.